A Total Buzz Kill: The 6 Most Depressing Commercials of Super Bowl 2015

Best Commercials December 30, 2015

AKA The Article We Wish We Didn’t Have To Write

The Super Bowl is an American tradition. Once a year, half of America plops down in front of tube, stuffs their faces with junkfood and watches commercials. (And a few football plays thrown in for good measure.) Young and old, regardless of race, class or religion, we do it because it’s fun. It’s mindless, hedonistic fluff and we like it that way. We count on the football players and - above all - the advertisers to entertain us. To make us smile and laugh - or to show us a little skin, in the case of Victoria’s Secret. What we don’t count on is being depressed.

Yet for some reason last year, advertisers got confused. They forgot that the Super Bowl is supposed to be a family-friendly, light evening. A time to cuddle with friends and relatives, to not count calories and to escape from the stresses and problems of life. But last year, more than one Super Bowl advertiser took things way too seriously. They abandoned humor and fluff for serious spots that made us think (more than we wanted to) and cry (but not in a good way).

A Request to Super Bowl 50 Advertisers

We know you are already busy prepping for Super Bowl 50. So please, we implore you: When you write and film your 2016 Super Bowl commercials, try to keep it positive this year! If you’re not sure what we mean, here’s a look back at the kinds of commercials that we don’t want to see during Super Bowl 50.

The 6 Most Depressing Commercials of Super Bowl XLIX

We’re starting with the worst. Why? Because we want to make sure that everyone knows what Nationwide did to us. And we know some of you readers out there won’t make it down to the bottom of the article…

1. Nationwide

You had this fantastic thing going with Mindy Kaling and Matt Damon! It was fun, light and could have been memorable. Before the game aired, it was already going viral on social media. Except that now, no one is talking about it. Why? Because even a year later, many of us are still recovering from the trauma of that “Make Safe Happen” commercial where you killed a little boy.

Here’s a sampling of the buzz on social media:

Despite all the negative response in the media, Matt Jauchius, CMO of Nationwide stood by his company’s decision to air the aid. He told NPR, “If we save one child as a result of what we did in the Super Bowl, it is more than worth it”.

2. Nissan

One could argue that Nissan’s depressing ad was worse than Nationwide’s. While the 90 second mini-movie itself wasn’t quite as horrific as the dead child in Nationwide’s ad, at least they purported to have some larger purpose about saving kids’ lives. Nissan didn’t have any other motives. For some inexplicable reason, they thought this ad would help sell cars. The ad told the story of a race-car driving dad who has little time for his son and who gets into a crash while his poor son and wife watch, horrified, on tv. Only later in life does the dad abandon his risky profession and opt for a more family-friendly car. It’s unclear what message Nissan was trying to send. That father’s can always make up for lost time and show up in their son’s lives once their teens? That after a near-death experience, it’s good to abandon your risky hobbies? The commercial made us cry, and our hearts were wrenched when we saw the poor son and mother watch the horrible wreck on tv, but the take-away message was lost on us. Instead, we just feel depressed.

3. Microsoft

The ad was meant to inspire and empower but somehow it just left you feeling kinda dreary. Sure, Braylon is cute and his family was very optimistic, but the ad didn’t have the empowering, uplifting effect of 2014’s. Sorry, Microsoft, but while we wish Braylon nothing but the best, we think this ad was a big miss.

4. Weight Watchers

Let’s move away from the maimed children to a much more uplifting topic — dieting! Come on now, Weight Watchers! This was such a buzz kill. Here we were, nonchalantly throwing back beers and dipping into that cheesy 7-layer dip, and you have to go and remind us about those extra 10 pounds we’re trying to lose. Not cool. Not cool at all.

5. GoDaddy

GoDaddy managed to release not one, but two depressing Super Bowl commercials last year. Their first ad was so depressing, it was ultimately banned from the Big Game. (Turns out the American public doesn’t like it when a commercial seems to support puppy mills). The second ad was depressing because it sucked so much. It was the kind of lackluster, low-budget commercial that you expect to see on public television at 3am. And when we saw, we realized that GoDaddy really must have miscalculated how the public would respond to their first ad, “Journey Home.” Apparently that first ad wasn’t a publicity stunt after all. Way to be out of touch. Let’s hope you come up with something better in Super Bowl 2016!

6. Nomore

The NFL is perhaps the only Super Bowl advertiser that had any right to take things so seriously. The 2014 season was a year when the football league failed to take things seriously enough, so it was about time that they took a strong stance against domestic violence. We’re not sure how serious they really are, or if they just aired the ad for the sake of PR, but if one family is saved becaue of the ad, we think it was worth it. And chillingly - it was based on a true story.

More from the peanut gallery!

Additional reflections on Super Bowl 2015 and the depressing commercials that we were all subject to watching:

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